Train Jokes

A boy sat on a train chewing gum and staring vacantly into space, when suddenly an old woman sitting opposite said, 'It's no good you talking to me, young man, I'm stone deaf!

A businessman was traveling in the train and his seat was reserved in the last couch of the train. Every time the train stops at station and he faced so much of problem as all shops to purchase eatables were far off. He was very upset and every time he was remembering that's all happened because I am in the last couch. When he got down at the destination station, he asked the station person that he wants to lodge a complaint against the railway staff. The complaints and suggestions book was given to him and he wrote: " There should not be any last couch in the train. If there is any last couch in the train, it should be kept somewhere in the middle.

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"

A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper. Once he was travelling to Bombay to deliver a speech about railway department improvements. His coach was the last coach in the train. The train was moving very fast and so sardarji's coach was jerking heavily. This made him not to prepare for the speech. Annoyed by the event, the next day in the meeting, his first point towards improvement of railway department was: "There should not be last coach in any train."

Andy wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector puts this question to him: "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?" Andy says, "I would switch the points for one of the trains." "What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector. "Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Andy, and I'd use the manual lever over there." "What if that had been struck by lightning?" "Then," Andy continues, I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box." "What if the phone was engaged?" "Well in that case," persevered Andy, I'd rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there." "What if that was vandalised?" "Oh well then I'd run into the village and get my uncle Silas." This puzzles the inspector," so he asks, "Why would you do that?" Came the answer, "Because he's never seen a train crash."

Blake and his parents were drinking at the bar in a train station when they heard a whistle. The three of them rushed out of the bar onto the platform only to discover that they had missed the train. "The next train is in one hour," said the stationmaster. The three went back into the bar. The parents had another drink; Blake had a Pepsi. Again they heard a whistle, rushed out and discovered the train pulling away. Next one is sixty minutes from now!" said the stationmaster. An hour later," Blake, with his mom and dad, raced out onto the platform, and his parents leaped onto the train as it pulled away. The boy was left standing on the platform and began to laugh uproariously. "Your parents just left you, said the stationmaster. Why are you laughing?" "They came to see me off!"

Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!

Dilmer, six-foot-three, two hundred eighty pounds, was thrown from his seat when the Southern Railway train he was riding derailed. The giant teenager flew a dozen feet through the air before hitting headfirst against a steel partition. For a moment Dilmer lay dazed, rubbing his head. The conductor came by and kneeled down beside him. "Don't move!" said the conductor. "We've called an ambulance." "Naw," said the boy, getting to his feet. I ain't hurt so bad. That steel wall musta broke my fall!"

If an electric train travels 90 miles an hour in a westerly direction and the wind is blowing from the north, in which direction is the smoke blowing? There is no smoke from an electric train!

Monster: I've got to walk 25 miles home. Ghost: Why don't you take a train. Monster: I did once, but my mother made me give it back.

The train was about to pull out of the station. Swinging a large bag, a young man managed to reach the train, throw his bag in and climb aboard, gasping for air. seeking at him, another man said, "Young man, you should be in better shape! At your age, I could catch the train by a gnat's whisker and still be fresh. Look at you, panting away." The young man took a deep breath and said, "Pop, I missed this train at the *last* station."

What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!

What do you call a person who falls onto you on a train? A laplander!

What is evil and ugly and goes at 125 mph? A witch in a high speed train.

What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher? One minds the train, the other trains the mind.

What kind of ears do trains have? Engineers (engine ears).

What's the difference between a school teacher and a train driver? A schoolteacher says, "Spit out that toffee" and a train says, "Choo, choo."

Where do ghost trains stop? At devil crossings.

Why do you have to wait so long for a ghost train to come along? They only run a skeleton service.

Why is it not safe to doze on trains? Because they run over sleepers.