Internet Jokes
For jokes about the internet, prepare to chuckle ...
Can you show me how to use the Internet? I'd better - otherwise you'll just go round and round in circles.
Did you know pillows have their own website? Really? Well you could knock me down with a feather!
Did you like www.flower.com? Not at first ... .but it grew on me!
Do you enjoy websurfing? No way! my mum warned me to stay away from the net!
Do you like surfing the net? Oh yes, I've really taken a shine to it. (Moon to Sun)
Do you like web jokes? Yes - they're e-larious!
Do you want some help using the Internet, son? No thanks, Dad, I can muck it up all by myself.
Doctor, doctor, I feel like I'm part of the Internet! Well, you do look a site
Doctor, doctor, should I surf the Internet on an empty stomach? No, you should do it on a computer.
Does your dog know how how to surf the internet? No - but he's got a ruff idea.
Does your mum like shopping on the Internet? No, the trolley keeps rolling off the top of the computer.
Have you got the address of the butter website? Yes, but don't spread it around.
Have you heard that there's a new mountain website? Really? I must take a peak at it!
Have you seen www.amnesia.com? Sorry, I just can't remember.
Have you seen www.apathy.com? No, and quite honestly I can't be bothered.
Have you seen www.blottingpaper.com? Yes, I found it very absorbing.
Have you seen www.boomerang .com? Yes, I return to it again and again.
Have you seen www.brokenglass.com? Yes, but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Have you seen www.busfull.com? No, I'm afraid that one passed me by.
Have you seen www.dustbin.com? Yes, but it's a load of rubbish.
Have you seen www.hook.com? Yes, it's already caught my eye.
Have you seen www.indecisive.com? Yes and no.
Have you seen www.lockeddoor.com? Yes, but I found it very difficult to get into.
Have you seen www.needleinahaystack.com? Yes, but it took ages to find.
Have you seen www.pitchdark.com? Yes, but I really couldn't see what all the fuss is about.
Have you seen www.quasimodo.com? I'm not sure, but certainly rings a bell.
Have you seen www.quicksand.com? Yes, but it hasn't sunk in yet.
Have you seen www.shelterfromtherain.com? Yes, but it doesn't really stand out.
Have you seen www.smallearthquake.com? Yes, its's no great shakes!
Have you seen www.square.com? No, I haven't got around to it.
Have you seen www.stickytape.com? Yes, I can't tear myself away.
Have you seen www.tame.com? Yes, but I'm not wild about it.
Have you seen www.tomatosauce.com? No, I'll ketchup with it later.
Have you seen www.topsecret.com? If I have, I'm not going to tell you.
Have you seen www.usedmatch.com? Yes, but I didn't find it striking.
Have you seen www.veryangry.com? No, AND STOP ASKING ME STUPID QUESTIONS!
Have you seen www.yawn.com? Yes, but I'm a bit tired of it.
How are you getting on with the Internet? Surf far, so good.
How did the flea learn to use the internet? He had to start from scratch.
How do heavy metal bands surf the web? On the Din-ternet.
How do nuns surf the web? On the Hymnternet.
How do you find white shirts on the Internet? Use a starch engine.
How do you fix a broken website? With stick e-tape.
How do you make rude noises on the Internet? With a whoop e-cushion.
How does the vicar explore the Internet? With the church mouse.
How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb? Exactly five hundred. 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed. 7 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently or to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. 17 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs. 21 to flame the spell checkers. 49 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list. 20 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames. 32 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb. 69 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bul bs be stopped. 41 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this mail list. 106 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty. 12 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs. 8 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs. 2 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list. 15 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add pointedly, "Me Too." 6 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy. 9 to quote the "Me Too's" and happily add, "Me Three!" 3 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FA1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup. 24 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here. 53 votes for alt.lite.bulb.
I can't find a shark website ... . That's cos you're dum dum, dum dum, dum dum, dumb ... ...
I hear you've been tracing your ancestors on the internet ... Yes - and it's a mammoth task!
I hope you're not one of those pupils who spends all day on the Net and doesn't get any exercise. Oh, no, miss, I often sit around watching TV and not getting exercise either.
I never thought that the Internet was very useful, but now I've changed my mind. Let's hope your new one works better then the one you had before.
I spent the whole evening knotsurfing! Don't you mean netsurfing? No, everyone was complaining because I tied the computer up for ages!
I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like. How do you do that? I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it's raining!
If doors have a website shouldn't windows have one too? We'd better, or it will be curtains for us.
My dog likes to sit down each evening and surf the Net. What an intelligent animal! Not really, it took the cat three weeks to teach him.
Our website should have more colour, more games, more sound! Look, what more do you want? Blood?
PE Teacher: Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer? Pupil: You told me to put it in the Net.
Since you've discovered the Internet, you don't pay any attention to me! Who said that?
So what exactly can I learn on the Internet? Anything you like - it can even teach you to talk like an Indian. How? See? It's working already.
Teacher: Don't forget to check the Internet if you have trouble with your homework questions. Pupil: It's not the questions I have trouble with, it's the answers.
Teacher: If you spend all your time sitting round playing on the Internet, you'll be fat and useless when you grow up. Pupil: Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you were a kid!
Teacher: What are the four elements? Pupil: Fire, Earth, Water and the Internet. Teacher: What do you mean the Internet? Pupil: Well, Mum says that whenever I'm on the Net, I'm in my element.
Teacher: Why are you pushing garlic into the computer's disk drive? Pupil: To keep vampires off the Internet Teacher: But there aren't any vampires on the Internet Pupil: See? It works, doesn't it?
What did Darth Vader say to the Internet? May the force e-with you.
What did the hypnotist say when he got his own website ... . Hyp, Hyp Hooray.
What did the maths homework website say to the geometry website? Boy do we have problems.
What did the parrot say when he was using the Internet? PCs of eight, PCs of eight.
What did the sausage say when it couldn't log on to the Internet? If at first you don't succeed Fry, Fry again
What did you say to the policeman who spent eight hours on the Internet? Oh give it arrest.
What did you think of our website? A little bit tacky.
What do builders use to make websites? Com.crete.
What do internet football fans sing? E we go E we go, E we go!
What do you call a fire at the Internet cafe? An e-mergency.
What do you call a ghost on the Internet? e-erie.
What do you call an alien surfing the Internet? e-t.
What do you call an Internet mystery? An e-nigma.
What do you call someone who spends 24 hours a day on the Internet? Anything you like, they're not listening to you anyway.
What do you get if you cross a giant ship with the Internet? The Site-anic.
What do you get if you cross an elephant with the Internet? I don't know, but it's e-nourmous.
What do you get if you cross the Internet with a currant bread? Spotted click
What do you get if you type www.abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.com into your computer? A sore finger.
What do you put in a www.ashing machine? Net curtains!
What goes round the middle of the Internet? The e-quator.
What grows on the World Wide Web and stings? Internettles.
What happened when the schoool bully went netsurfing? The goalkeeper kicked him out of the football ground.
What has long ears, hops and likes websurfing? The e-aster bunny.
What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist.
What sits in the middle of the world wide web? A very, very big spider!
What surfs the Internet and goes, 'Choo, Choo'? Thomas the Search Engine.
What's hairy, dangerous and only surfs the Net when there's a full moon? The www.erewolf.
What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address? Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.
What's the best city to search the World Wide Web in? Rome.
Where does the Internet football team play? Webley.
Where is Pinocchio's website? On the splinternet.
Where's Spiderman's home page? On the world wide web.
Which Lord Mayor of London was always on the Internet? Click Whittington
Which of the seven dwarfs use the Internet? Happ-e, Sleep-e, Grump-e, Dope-e and Sneez-e.
Who has the best website in the jungle? The Onlion King.
Who is the most popular wizard on the Internet? Har e-potter.
Who is the oldest singer on the Internet? Click Jagger.
Who looks after the EuroDisney website? Mick e-mouse.
Who runs the 100 acre wood website? www.innie the pooh.
Who sits at the end of the yellow brick road surfing the Net? The www.izard of Oz.
Who started the campfire website? Some bright spark.
Who surfs the Net by pecking at the keyboard? www.oody www.oodpecker.
Who writes all his plays on the Internet? Will-e. Shakespeare.
Who writes hit musicals on the Internet? Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Who's the chief of the internet? E-ronimo!
Why are elephants no good at Net surfing? Because they're scared of the mouse.
Why are frogs no good at websurfing? Computers have them toad-ily confused.
Why couldn't the baby camel surf the Internet? Because whenever his parents saw their phone bill they got the hump.
Why did the mummy stop using the Internet? He was getting far too wrapped up in it.
Why do beavers spend a fortune on the Internet? They never want to log off.
Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet? Because they can't stop saving their work.
Why do you keep going back to that fishing website? I can't help it, I'm hooked.
Why do you think your report should be on the net? Because my marks are all 'E's.
Why was Cinderella able to surf the web? Because he footman turned into a mouse.
Why was the skeleton using the Internet? To bone up on his schoolwork.
You need to log on to the window repair website! I did - but it gave me a pane!
You're a big Internet fan aren't you? Yes - it's becoming a habit!
You're a big internet fan, arn't you? Yes, I really get a buzz out of it!
