Witch Jokes
For jokes about witches, prepare to chuckle ...
1st Witch: What's your new boyfriend like? 2nd Witch: He's mean, nasty, ugly, smelly and totally evil - but he has some bad points too!
Did you hear about the TV show with FBI agents and witches? It's called The Hex-Files.
Did you hear about the witch who fed her pet vulture on sawdust? The vulture laid ten eggs and when they hatched, nine chicks had wooden legs and the tenth was a woodpecker.
Did you hear about the witch who turned her friend into an egg? She kept trying to poach her ideas.
Did you hear about the witch who was ashamed of her long black hair? She always wore long gloves to cover it up.
Did you hear about the witch who went in for the lovely legs competition? She was beaten by the microphone stand.
First witch: My, hasn't your little girl grown? Second witch: Yes, she's certainly gruesome.
Have you heard about the goodweather witch? She's forecasting sunny spells.
How can you make a witch itch? Take away her "W."
How can you tell an Italian witch from an English one? By her suntan!
How do warty witches keep their hair out of place? With scare spray.
How do witches lose weight? They join weight witches.
How do you get milk from a witch's cat? Steal her saucer.
How do you know when you are in bed with a witch? She has a big "W" embroidered on her pyjamas!
How do you picture yourself flying on a broom? By witchful thinking.
How does a witch doctor ask a girl to dance? 'Voodoo like to dance with me?
How does a witch make scrambled eggs? She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright! 'Owl be seeing you later.
Is it good to drink witch's brew? Yes, it's very newt tricious!
Old witch: Now I know you want a job with me. Do you tell lies? Young witch: No, but I can pick it up.
What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital? With any luck you'll be able to get up for a spell.
What did the witch say to the ugly toad? I'd put a curse on you - but somebody beat me to it!
What did the young witch say to her mother? Can I have the keys to the broom tonight?
What do witches ring for in a hotel? B-room service.
What do witches use pencil sharpeners for? To keep their hats pointed.
What do you call a witch that stays out all night? A fresh air freak.
What do you call a witch who climbs up walls? Ivy.
What do you call a witch who kills her mother and father? An orphan.
What do you call a witch with one leg? Eileen.
What do you call two witches who share a room? Broom-mates.
What does a witch do if her broom is stolen? She calls the flying squad!
What does a witch enjoy cooking most? Gnomelettes.
What does an Australian witch ride on? A broomerang!
What goes cackle, cackle, boom? A witch in a minefield.
What goes cackle, cackle, squelch, squelch? A witch in soggy trainers.
What happened to the naughty little witch at school? She was ex-spelled.
What happened to the witch with an upside down nose? Every time she sneezed her hat blew off.
What happens if you see twin witches? You won't be able to tell witch witch is witch.
What has handles and flies? A witch in a garbage can.
What is a witch's favourite TV show? Lifestyles of the Witch and Famous!
What is old and ugly and can see just as well from both ends? A witch with a blindfold!
What is the best way of stopping infection from witch bites? Don't bite any witches!
What is the witches motto? We came, we saw, we conjured!
What kind of witch goes to the beach? Sandwitch
What would you get if you crossed a witch with a famous movie director? Steven Spellberg!
What's the favourite subject of young witches at school? Spelling.
What's the witches favourite pop group? Broomski Beat!
Where did the witch get her furniture? From the ideal gnome exhibition!
Who went into a witche's den and came out alive? The witch!
Why did the witch keep turning people into Mickey Mouse? She was having Disney spells.
Why did the witch lose her way? Because her hat was pointing in the wrong direction.
Why did the witch wear a green felt pointed hat? So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen.
Why do witches have stiff joints? They get broomatism!
Why does a witch wear a pointed black hat? To keep her head warm.
Why was the student witch so bad at essays? Because she couldn't spell properly.
Why won't a witch wear a flat cap? Because there's no point in it.
Witch l: "How do you manage to stay in shape?" Witch 2: "I get a lot of hexercise."
Witch: Why have you stopped playing cards with my sister? Wizard: Well would you play with someone who cheats all the time, is a poor loser and keeps tearing up the cards? Witch: No I wouldn't. Wizard: No, well nor will she.
