Ghost Jokes
For jokes about ghosts, prepare to chuckle ...
A butler came running into his important master's office. "Sir, sir, there's a ghost in the corridor. What shall I do with him?" Without looking up from his work the master said, "Tell him I can't see him."
A man was staying in a big old house and in the middle of the night he met a ghost. The ghost said, "I have been walking these corridors for 300 years." The man said, "in that case, can you tell me the way to the toilet?"
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
Did you hear about the ghost who enjoyed doing housework? He used to go round with the oooo-ver.
Did you hear about the ghost who learnt to fly? He was pleased to be back on terror-firma.
Did you hear about the ghost who went on safari? He was a big-game haunter!
Did you hear about the sick ghost? He had oooooo-ping cough.
Ghost: Are you coming to my party? Spook: Where is it? Ghost: In the morgue - you know what they say, the morgue the merrier.
How can you tell if a ghost is about to faint? He gets pale as a sheet.
How did the bootician style the ghost's hair? With a scare dryer!
How did the ghost song-and-dance act make a living? By appearing in television spooktaculars.
How do ghosts fly from one place to another? By scareplane.
How do you get a ghost to lie perfectly flat? You use a spirit level.
Knock Knock! Who's there? Boo! Boo who? Just Boo! I'm a ghost!
One night, after closing time a barman is sitting at his bar minding his own buisiness, when a spectral hound floats in through the door. The barman, being an exceptionally cool kind of guy, asks "yeah, what do you want?". The phantom hound explains, in a haunting voice "I've lost my tail ... ... and cannot rest until a kindly barman stitches it back-on". At this request the barman stands back astonished and says to the phantom dog ... .. "Sorry, but we don't re-tail spirits at this time of night".
Student l: "Did you know that ghosts are protected by the Constitution?" Student 2: "They are?" Student 1: "Sure. It's in the Bill of Frights!"
This girl wanted to marry a ghost. I can't think what possessed her.
What are pupils at ghost schools called? Ghoulboys and ghoulgirls.
What Central American country has the most spooks? Ghosta Rica!
What did one ghost say to another? I'm sorry, but I just don't believe in people.
What did the little ghost eat for lunch? A booloney sandwich!
What did the little ghost give his mom for Mother's Day? A booquet of flowers.
What did the mother ghost say to the naughty baby ghost? Spook when you're spooken to.
What did the mother ghost tell the kid ghost when he went out to play? "Don't get your sheets dirty!"
What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost. Fasten your sheet belt.
What directions did the ghost give the goblin? "Make a fright turn at the corner."
What do ghosts like about riding horses? Ghoulloping.
What do ghosts say when a girl footballer is sent off? Ban-she, ban-she!
What do ghosts watch if they want to relax? Skelly-vision!
What do you call a ghost at midnight? A sheet in the dark!
What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet? A holy terror.
What do you call a ghost that stays out all night? Afresh air freak.
What do you call a ghost who only haunts the Town Hall? The nightmayor.
What do you call a ghost who's always sleeping? Lazy bones.
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? Hoblin Goblin.
What do you call the ghost who is a child-rearing expert? Dr Spook.
What do you get is you cross a ghost with a packet of potato chips? Snacks that go crunch in the night.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.
What do young ghosts write their homework in? Exorcise books.
What European capital has the most ghosts? Boodapest!
What happened to the ghost who went to a party? He had a wail of a time.
What happened when a ghost asked for a brandy at his local pub? The landlord said "Sorry, we don't serve spirits."
What is a ghost boxer called? A phantomweight.
What is a ghost's favourite Wild West town? Tombstone.
What is the first thing ghosts do when they get into a car? They fasten their sheet (seat) belts.
What kind of street does a ghost like best? A dead end.
What sort of violin does a ghost play? A dreadivarius.
What's a ghosts favourite ride at the carnival? The roller ghosted.
What's the first thing ghosts do when they get into a car?- They boo-kle their seatbelts
When do ghosts play tricks on each other? On April Ghoul's Day
When do ghosts usually appear? Just before someone screams.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centres
Where does a ghost refuel his Porsche? At a ghastly station.
Where would you take a ghost for lunch? Pizza Haunt!
Which day of the week do ghosts like best? Moandays.
Which ghost ate too much porridge? Ghouldilocks.
Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber? The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Anyone he could dig up.
Who said "Shiver me timbers!" on the ghost ship? The skeleton crew.
Why are haunted houses so noisy in April? That's when the ghosts do their spring screaming!
Why did the ghost go to the funfair. He wanted to go on the rollerghoster.
Why did the ghost work at Scotland Yard? He was the Chief In-Spectre.
Why don't ghosts make good magicians. You can see right through their tricks.
Why is a ghost like an empty house? Because there's no body there!
Why was the ghost of Anne Boleyn always running after the ghost of Henry VIII? She was trying to get ahead!
Why were the ghosts wet and tired? They had just dread-ged the lake.
Woman in bed: Aaagh! Aaagh! A ghost just floated into my room! Ghost: Don't worry, ma'am, I'm just passing through.
