Snake Jokes
For jokes about snakes, get ready to chuckle ...
A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes ... can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem ... didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
Did you hear about the stupid snake? He lost his skin.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a python. Oh you can't get round me like that, you know.
Have you heard about the slippery eel? Didn't think so, you wouldn't be able to grasp it!sna
So glad to meet you said the Hindu politely? "Charmed I'm sure ", replied the snake!
There where two snakes talking. The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?'. Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?" The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"
What did one snake say to another? Hiss off!
What did the mother snake say to her crying baby? Stop crying and viper your nose!
What did the snake say to the cornered rat? Hiss is the end of the line for you!
What did the snake say when another asked him the time? Don't asp me!
What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese? Thanks, I'll just have a sliver!
What do most people do when they see a python? They re-coil!
What do snakes have on their bath towels? Hiss and Hers!
What do you call a python with a great bedside manner? A snake charmer!
What do you call a snake that informs the police? A grass snake!
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird? A feather boa!sna
What do you call a snake who works for the governement? A civil serpent!
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet? Wait until he's finished.
What do you get if crossed a new born snake with a basketball? A bouncing baby boa!
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food? Snakes and Larders!sna
What do you get if you cross a glow-worm with a python? A twenty-foot-long strip-light that can squeeze you to death.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a hotdog? A fangfurter!sna
What do you get if you cross a snake and a lego set? A boa constructor!
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig? A boar constrictor!
What do you get if you cross a snake with a hotdog? A fangfurther.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent? A snake in the brass!
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell? Addercadabra and abradacobra!
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell? Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo? ('A jump rope')"
What do you give a sick snake? Asp-rin!
What happened when a deadly rattle snake bit a witch? He died in agony!
What is a snakes favourite opera? Wriggletto!
What is another word for a python? A mega-bite!
What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together? Chimney Cricket!
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers? Fang letters!
What kind of snake is good at math? An adder.
What kind of snake is useful on your windscreen? A viper!
What should you do if you find a snake sleeping in your bed? Sleep in the wardrobe!
What snakes are good at sums? Adders!
What song to snakes like to sing? Viva Aspana!
What sort of perfume do snakes prefer? Poison by Christian Dior!
What subject are snakes good at school? Hiss-tory!
What's a python's favourite pop group? Squeeze!
What's a snakes favourite dance? Snake, rattle & roll!
What's a snakes favourite dance? The mamba!
What's a snakes favourite flower? Coily-flowers!
What's a snake's favourite food? Hiss Cakes!
What's a snakes favourite TV program? Monty Python!
What's long, green and goes hith? A snake with a lisp!
What's the best thing about deadly snakes? They've got poisonality!
What's the difference between a headmaster and a poisonous snake? You can make a pet out of a snake!
Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake? Someone else's!
Why are snakes hard to fool? They have no legs to pull!
Why can't you trust snakes? They speak with forked tongues!
Why did some snakes disobey Noah when he said "Go forth and multiply"? They couldn't, they were adders!
Why did the python do national service? He was coiled up!
Why did the two boa constrictors get married? Because they had a crush on each other!sna
Why did the viper want to become a python? He got the coiling!
Why did the viper want to become a python? He got the coiling.
Why did the viper, viper nose? Because the adder, adder hankerchief!
Why wouldn't the snake go on the weighing maching? Because he had his own scales!
