Insect Jokes
For jokes about insects, get ready to chuckle ...
A flea jumped over the swinging doors of a saloon, drank three whiskeys and jumped out again. He picked himself up from the dirt, dusted himself down and said, "OK, who moved my dog?"
A mother moth was telling her baby moth off saying, "If you don't eat all your cotton, you won't get any satin."
Boy: What's the biggest ant in the world? Girl: My Aunt Boy: No, it's an elephant. Girl: You obviously haven't met my Aunt
Can bees fly in the rain? Not without their little yellow jackets!
First Caribou: What do you call a bee that can't make up his mind? Second Caribou: A maybee.
First Caribou: What well-known cartoon character do moths like a hole lot? Second Caribou: Micky Moth!
First Caribou: Which bug does amazing motor cycle stunts? Second Caribou: Evel Boll Weevil.
First Caribou: Which bug gobbles up trash? Second Caribou: The litterbug.
How can you make a moth ball? Hit it with a fly swatter.
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? it has a blue light!
How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
How do fireflies lose weight? They burn calories.
How do fireflies start a race? Ready steady glow!
How do fireflies start a race? Ready, steady, glow!
How do stones stop moths eating your clothes? Because rolling stones gather no moths!
How do we know that insects are so clever? Because they always know when your eating outside!
How do you find where a flea has bitten you? Start from scratch!
How do you know if you have a tough mosquito? You slap him and he slaps you back!
How do you make a butterfly? Flick it out of the butter dish with a knife!
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted!
How do you make a moth bawl? Hit him with a fly swatter.
How do you spot a modern spider? He doesn't have a web he had a website!
How do you start an insect race? One, two, flea - go
How does a queen bee get around her hive? She's throne!
How many bees do you need in a bee choir? A humdred!
How to fleas travel? Itch hiking!
If a flea and a fly pass each other what time is it? Fly past flea.
If there are 5 flies in the kitchen how do you know which one is the American Football player? The one in the sugar bowl!
One ant was running across an unopened box of crackers and urging another to speed up. "But why do we have to hurry?" said one. "Can you read, you nut! It says, Tear along the dotted line'".
One woodworm met another. "How's life?" she asked. "Oh, same as usual," he replied, boring."
QUESTION: What do you get from a bee that has an udder? ANSWER: Milk and honey.
Surveyor: This house is a ruin. I wonder what stops it from falling down. Owner: I think the woodworm are holding hands.
Two fleas where running across the top of a cereal packet? "Why are we running so fast?" said one Because it says "Tear along the dotted line"
Two mosquitoes were buzzing round when they saw a drunken man. One said to the other, "You bite him? I'm driving."
What are ants called when they run away very fast to get married? Ant-elopers.
What are spiders webs good for? Spiders!
What are the cleverest bees? Spelling bees!
What bee is good for your health? Vitamin bee!
What buzzes, is black and yellow and goes along the bottom of the sea? A bee in a submarine!
What did one centipede say to the other centipede? You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs ... .!
What did one firefly say to the other? Got to glow now!
What did one flea say to the other after a night out? Shall we walk home or take a dog?
What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies? - Should we walk home or take a dog?
What did one mosquito say to another when they came out of the cinema? Fancy a bite?
What did the bee say to the flower? Hello honey!
What did the bee say to the naughty bee? Bee-hive yourself!
What did the bee to the other bee in summer? Swarm here isn't it!
What did the confused bee say? To bee or not to bee!
What did the earwig say as it fell down the stairs? Ear we go!
What did the maggot say to another? What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this!
What did the maggot say to his friend when he got stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one!
What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant? "Dead ant, Dead Ant ... Dead ant, Dead Ant .. Dead Ant" (to the tune of Pink Panther theme).
What did the spider say to the bee? Your honey or your life!
What did the spider say to the fly? We're getting married do you want to come to the webbing?
What did the spider say when he broke his new web? Darn it!
What did the wife spider say to her husband when he tried to explain why he was late? Your spinning me a yarn here!
What did the woodworm say to the chair? It's been nice gnawing you!
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been!
What do bees chew? Bumble gum!
What do bees do if they want to use public transport? Wait at a buzz stop!
What do insects learn at school? Mothmatics!
What do you call a 100 spiders on a tyre? A spinning wheel!
What do you call a bee who's had a spell put on him? He's bee-witched!
What do you call a big irish spider? Paddy long legs!
What do you call a grasshopper with no legs? A grasshover!
What do you call a scruffy, lazy ant? Decadant.
What do you call a stupid ant? Antwerp.
What do you call A Tale of Two Mosquitoes? A bite-time story.
What do you call an ant with frog's legs? An antphibian.
What do you get if you cross a bee with a door bell? A hum dinger!
What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken? Enough drumsticks to feed an army!
What do you get if you cross a firefly and a moth? An insect who can find its way around a dark wardrobe!
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer? Light ale!
What do you get if you cross a moth with a firefly? An insect that can find its way around a dark closet.
What do you get if you cross a rabbit and a flea? Bugs Bunny!
What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant? I'm not sure, but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses!
What do you get if you cross a tarantula with a rose? I'm not sure, but I wouldn't try smelling it!
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid!
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden!
What do you get if you cross the Lone Ranger with an insect? The Masked-quito!
What do you get when you cross a bell with a bee? A humdinger.
What does a bee get at McDonalds? A humburger!
What does a bee say before it stings you? This is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you!
What does a cat go to sleep on? A caterpillow!
What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day? Turns over a new leaf!
What does a queen bee do when she burps? Issues a royal pardon!
What does a spider do when he gets angry? He goes up the wall!
What does the bee Santa Claus say? Ho hum hum!
What goes "snap, crackle and pop"? A firefly with a short circuit!
What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk? A centipede with a wooden leg!
What goes hum-choo, hum choo? A bee with a cold!
What goes zzub, zzub? A bee flying backwards!
What happened to the man who turned into an insect? He just beetled off!
What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad? It became a daddy short legs!
What has 50 legs but can't walk? Half a centipede!
What has 6 legs, bits and talks in code? A morese-quito!
What has antlers and sucks blood? A moose-quito!
What has four wheels and flies? A rubbish bin!
What insect lives on nothing? A moth, because it eats holes
What insect lives on nothing? A moth, because it eats holes.
What insect runs away from everything? A flee!
What is a baby bee? A little humbug!
What is a bee's favourite classical music composer? Bee-thoven!
What is a flea's favourite book? The itch-hikers guide to the galaxy!
What is a mosquito's favourite sport? Skin-diving!
What is a spiders favourite TV show? The newly web game!
What is black and yellow and buzzes along at 30,000 feet? A bee is an aeroplane!
What is life like for a wood worm? Boring!
What is red and dangerous? Strawberry and tarantula jelly!
What is the bees favourite film? The Sting!
What is the biggest ant in the world? An elephant!
What is the definition of a caterpillar? A worm in a fur coat!
What is the difference between a flea and a wolf? One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie!
What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor? Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go!
What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly? Try sewing buttons on a mosquito!
What is the difference between an elephant and a flea? An elephant can have fleas but a flea can't have elephants!
What is the most faithful insect? A flea, once they find someone they like they stick to them!
What is the most religious insect? A mosque-ito!
What is the wasps' favourite song? Just a Spoonful of Sugar.
What is worse than an alligator with toothache? A centipede with athlete's foot!
What kind of bee can keep an aeroplane dry? An aero-drone!
What kind of bee can't be understood? A mumble bee!
What kind of bees hum and drop things? A fumble bee!
What kind of bugs bother sporting dogs? Ath-fleats!
What kind of doctors are like spiders? Spin doctors!
What kind of suit does a bee wear to work? A buzzness suit!
What kind of wig can hear? An earwig!
What lives in gum trees? Stick insects!
What makes a glow worm glow? A light meal!
What pillar doesn't need holding up? A caterpillar!
What to you call a Russian flea? A Moscow-ito!
What TV station do bees watch? Bee bee c one!
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses? If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
What's a bee-line? The shortest distance between two buzz-stops!
What's a bees favourite flower? A bee-gonias!
What's a bees favourite novel? The Great Gats-bee!
What's a glow worms favourite song? Wake me up before you glow glow!
What's black, yellow and covered in blackberries? A bramble bee!
What's more dangerous than being with a fool? Fooling with a bee!
What's the biggest moth in the world? A mammoth!
Where do bees go on holiday? Stingapore!
Where do bees keep their money? In a honey box!
Where do you take a sick wasp? To waspital.
Where would you put an injured insect? In an antbulance!
Which fly captured the ladybird? The dragon-fly.
Which fly makes films? Stephen Speilbug!
Who is a bee's favourite painter? Pablo Beecasso!
Who is the bees favourite pop group? The bee gees!
Who is the bees favourite singer? Sting!
Who rode a dog and was a confederate general during the American Civil War? Robert E Flea!
Who writes books for little bees? Bee-trix Potter!
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load!
Why are mosquitoes annoying? Because they get under your skin.
Why are mosquitos religious? They prey on you!
Why are spiders good swimmers? They have webbed feet!
Why are spiders like tops? They are always spinning!
Why did the bee started talking poetry? He was waxing lyrical!
Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers!
Why did the firefly keep stealing things? What goes "snap, crackle and pop"? A firefly with a short circuit!
Why did the fly fly?
Why did the mosquito go to the dentist? To improve his bite!
Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet? He wanted to see the floor show!
Why did the queen bee kick out all of the other bees? Because they kept droning on and on!
Why did the spider buy a car? So he could take it out for a spin!
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go on in pairs!
Why do bees buzz? Because they can't whistle!
Why do bees have sticky hair? Beacuse of the honey combs!
Why do bees hum? Because they've forgotten the words!
Why do worms taste like chewing gum? Because they're wrigleys!
Why don't anteaters get sick? Because they're full of anty-bodies!
Why don't other bugs like earwigs? Because they are always earwigging their conversations!
Why is it best to be bitten quickly by one mosquito? Because an itch in time saves nine.
Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team? He took too long to put his boots on!
Why was the centipede late? Because he was playing "This little Piggy" with his baby brother!
Why was the glow worm unhappy? Because her children weren't that bright!
Why was the ladybird kicked out of the forest? Because she was a litter bug.
Why was the moth so unpopular? He kept picking holes in everything!
Why were the flies playing football in saucer? They where playing for the cup!
