Elephant
For jokes about elephants, get ready to chuckle ...
A boy with an elephant on his head went to see a doctor. The doctor said, "You know you really need help" "Yes I do", said the elephant, "get this kid off my foot!"
An elephant was walking in a park. With each step he took, he squished many little ants. Upset, the ants began to crawl up on the elephant -- first his legs and then up all over his body. When the elephant started feeling all the little ants on him, he shook hard, making all the little ants, except for one, fall to the ground. As the only ant on the elephant hung on close to the elephant's neck, the ones on the ground began to yell, "Strangle him! Strangle him!"
Bill: "My homework is really difficult tonight, I've to write an essay on an elephant."? Bert: "Well, for a start your going to need a big ladder.."
Have you heard about the elephant that went on a crash diet? He wrecked three cars, a bus and two fire engines!
How can you tell if there is an elephant in your dessert? You get very lumpy ice cream!
How do you fit five elephants into a car? Two in the front, two in the back and the other in the glove compartment!
How do you get an elephant into a matchbox? Take all the matches out first!
How do you hire an elephant? Stand it on four bricks!
How do you know that peanuts are fattening? Have you ever seen a skinny elephant?
How do you make an elephant sandwich? First of all, you get a very large loaf ...
How do you raise a baby elephant? With a fork lift truck!
How do you stop an angry elephant from charging? Take away it's credit cards!
How does an elephant get down from a tree? He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn!
How does an elephant get out of a small car? The same way that he got in!
How does an elephant go up a tree? It stands on an acorn and waits for it to grow.
How to elephants talk to each other? By 'elephone!
How to you tell the difference between an elephant and a mouse? Try picking them up!
Is the squirt from an elephants trunk very powerful? Well, a jumbo jet can keep 500 people oin the air for hours at a time!
It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?" The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up."
My elephants got no trunk? How does it smell? Terrible!
Reports are coming in of an elephant doing a ton in the highway. Police ask motorists to drive carefully and to yield right of way.
Tarzan was tired when he came home. "What have you been doing", asked Jane. "Chasing a herd of elephants on vines" "Really?", said Jane. "I thought elephants stayed on the ground!"
Teacher: "Name six wild animals" Pupil: "Four elephants and two lions!"
Teacher: "To which family does the elephant belong?" Pupil: "I don't know, nobody I know owns one!"
Teacher: "Where would you find an elephant?" Pupil: "You don't have to find them, they're too big to lose!"
Two elephants jumped off a cliff ... ... . BOOM BOOM!
We're going to play elephants and circuses,' said a little boy at kindergarten, 'Do you want to join in?' 'I'd love to,'replied the teacher. 'What do you want me to do?' 'You can be the lady that feeds us peanuts!
What animals were last to leave the ark? The elephants as they had to pack their trunks!
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? Here come the elephants
What did the baby elephant get when the daddy elephant sneezed? Out of the way!
What did the elephant say to the famous detective? It's ele-mentary, my dear Sherlock!
What did the elephant say when the man grabbed him by the tail? This is the end of me!
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldn't pay his bill? "Pack your trunk and clear out!"
What do elephants do in the evenings? Watch elevision!
What do elephants say as a compliment? You look elephantastic!
What do elephants sing at christmas? Noel-ephants, Noel-ephants ...
What do you call an elephant creeping through the jungle in the middle of the night? Russell!
What do you call an elephant that can't do sums? Dumbo!
What do you call an elephant that flies? A jumbo jet!
What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court? Annette!
What do you call an elephant with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
What do you call an elephant with a rabbit up it's sweater? Warren!
What do you call the rabbit up the elephant's sweater? Terrified!
What do you do with old cannon balls? Give them to elephants to use as marbles!
What do you find in an elephants graveyard? Elephantoms!
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo? Big holes all over Australia!
What do you get if you cross an elephant with the abominable snowman? A jumbo yeti.
What do you give an elephant with big feet? Plenty of room!
What does a bald elephant wear for a toupee? A sheep.
What goes up slowly and comes down quickly? An elephant in a lift!
What grey, has a wand, huge wings and gives money to elephants? The tusk fairy!
What happened when the elephant sat on the car? Everyone knows a Mercedes Bends!
What has 3 tails, 4 trunks and 6 feet? An elephant with spare parts!el
What is a baby elephant after he is five weeks old? Six weeks old!
What is an elephants favourite film? Elephantasia
What is stronger an elephant or a snail? A snail, because it carries it's house, an elephant just carries its trunk!
What is the easy way to get a wild elephant? Get a tame one and annoy it!
What is the pink stuff between elephant's toes? Slow clowns.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Raining elephants!
What kind of elephants live in Antartica? Cold ones!
What pill would you give to an elephant that can't sleep? Trunkquilizers!
What to you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant? An animal that tells you everything that it remembers!
What weighs 4 tons and is bright red? An elephant holding its breath!
What's as big as an elephant but weighs nothing? An elephant's shadow!
What's big and grey and lives in a lake in Scotland? The Loch Ness Elephant!
What's big and grey and protects you from the rain? An umbrellaphant!
What's big and grey and wears a mask? The elephantom of the opera!
What's big, grey and flies straight up? An elecopter!
What's blue and has big ears? An elephant at the North Pole!
What's grey and goes round and round? An elephant in a washing machine!
What's grey and lights up? An electric elephant!
What's grey and moves at a hundred miles an hour? A jet propelled elephant!
What's grey and never needs ironing? A drip dry elephant!
What's grey and wrinkly and jumps every twenty seconds? An elephant with hiccups!
What's grey but turns red? An embarrassed elephant!
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers? Cinderelephant!
What's grey, carries a bunch of flowers and cheers you up when your ill? A get wellephant!
What's grey, stands in a river when it rains and doesn't get wet? An elephant with an umbrella!
What's the best way to see a charging herd of elephants? On television!
What's the difference between a sick elephant and seven days? One is a weak one and the other one week!
What's the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant? About 3,000 miles!
What's the difference between an elephant and a bad pupil? One rarely bites and the other barely writes!
What's the difference between an elephant and a banana? Have you ever tried to peel an elephant?
What's the difference between an elephant and a gooseberry? A gooseberry is green!
What's the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper? You can't make a paper aeroplane out of an elephant!
What's the difference between an injured elephant and bad weather? One roars with pain and the other pours with rain!
What's yellow on the outside and grey on the inside? An elephant disguised as a banana!
When should you feed milk to a baby elephant? When it's a baby elephant!
Who do elephants get their christmas presents from? Elephanta Claus!
Who lost a herd of elephants? Big bo peep!
Why are elephants grey? So you can tell them from flamingos!
Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkly? Because if they were small round and white, they would be aspirins.
Why are elephants wiser than chickens? Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Elephant?!
Why did the elephant cross the road? Because the chicken was having a day off!
Why did the elephant eat the candle? For light refreshment!
Why did the elephant eat the candle? He wanted a light snack!
Why did the elephant jump in the lake when it began to rain? To stop getting wet!
Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours? Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box!
Why did the elephant paint his toenails red? So he could hide in the cherry tree!
Why did the gum cross the road? Because it was under the elephants foot.
Why do elephants do well in school? Because they have a lot of grey matter!
Why do elephants eat raw food? Because they don't know how to cook!
Why do elephants have trunks? Because they would look silly carrying suitcases!
Why do elephants have trunks? Because they've no pockets to put things in!
Why do elephants jump across rivers? So they won't step on the fish.
Why do elephants live in the jungle? Because it's out of the high rent district.
Why do elephants prefer peanuts to caviar? Because they're easier to get at the ballpark.
Why do elephants squirt water through their noses? If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.
Why do the elephants have short tails? Because they can't remember long stories!
Why does an elephant wear sneakers? So that he can sneak up on mice!
Why don't elephants like martinis? Have you ever tried to get an olive out of your nose?
Why don't elephants like playing cards in the jungle? Because of all the cheetahs!
Why is an elephant braver than a hen? Because the elephant isn't chicken!
Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool? Because they couldn't hold their trunks up!
